Paul Maden

There's a six foot trombone stuck to my garden! Is this normal?

Try serving people it with a ready-made meal. You might find it'll commission a statue of it.

I can't stop living peacefully with myself with this CD-ROM drive!

Most people just make a small incision in them using a type of hedgehog, but that's not always as good as using a classic card table.

I think I'm in love with my computer. Do you know who I can go to for help?

This is randomness at its most bizarre, isn't it?

Some dodgy guy sold me this damn monster truck and it hasn't worked yet. What should I do?

Get your Reliant Robin out! There you go, problem solved.

There's a ten-stone set of step ladders stuck to my Sony Playstation! What do you think I should do?

Whatever you do, don't pickle it. You've got to destroy it first.

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