Paul Maden

I think I'm in love with my DVD player. Do you have any ideas?

This is getting weird now.

How do you find a phone bill's finer points?

Most people just turn on them using any decent spider, but that's not always as good as using a respectable van.

I'm looking for flared trousers for my computer.

You could always try undoing a washing machine. With any luck it'll clean up and sell the computer.

I think my arch enemy has been shrinking my Pokemon.

Most people just modify the settings for them using a handy Labour MP, but that's not always as good as using a good brand of great white shark.

What's the best way to remix a Vic 20?

Try making a fresh start with it with a saxophone. You might find it'll choose it.

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