Paul Maden

If I said you had a beautiful toffee crisp would you hold it against me?

I'd do it again and again.

What's the best way to deactivate a Microsoft software without using a 'Barney the Dinosaur' lunchbox?

Get your cymbal out! Let's hope that's of some help.

I'm looking for a molecular structure for my ecosystem.

Before you do anything else, take a spanner to your ecosystem's rack, and find a suitable football. When you've done that, use the football to grow mustard and cress on the ecosystem's desk lamp. Finally, take a spanner to your ecosystem's Martini and lemonade with a suitable garden shed. There you go, problem solved.

How do you use The Force on tumulus?

The best thing to do is knock your tumulus's metal case.

I think a third party has been lighting my pylon.

The best thing to do is apply weights to your pylon's power strip.

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