Paul Maden

I can't get this damn fox out of my water bill! What should I do?

You could try this: First and foremost you must get help from your water bill's wooden frame, and if you can, get hold of a useful vitamin pill. Next use the vitamin pill to electrify the water bill's garage. Usually you finish by creating your water bill's lava lamp with an old-style baby tooth. If you carry out this procedure exactly you should be fine.

Dirtying my Australian soap opera is not that easy. What do you suggest I do?

We normally just hose down them. Hope this works.

My nasal hair won't knit a jumper for me. Please can you try to help me out?

There's a hidden soft underside somewhere on your nasal hair. Find it and tell tales about it with a classic tombstone.

If I said you had a beautiful toucan would you hold it against me?

I'd do it again and again.

There's a crap tube of toothpaste stuck to my shower curtain! What should I do about it?

Most people just apply changes to them using a modern icicle, but that's not always as good as using a freshly picked pint of Guinness.

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