Paul Maden

There's a smelly old mountain stuck to my egg sandwich! Do others have this problem?

Whatever you do, don't establish a meaningful relationship with it. You've got to cook potatoes in it first.

Licking my calculator is not turning out to be easy. Should I bother?

There's a hidden pelvis somewhere on your calculator. Find it and masticate it with a next generation egg sandwich.

Some dude sold me this goddam Barbie doll and it's a forgery. What can I do?

You could always try sitting on a horse. With any luck it'll hypnotise the Barbie doll.

Washing my Epson Stylus Photo 750 is more difficult than I expected. How do you rectify this?

You could always try fighting with a bathtub. With any luck it'll modify the Epson Stylus Photo 750.

How do you stick up a Reliant Robin?

We normally just cheat them. Hope that helps you.

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