Paul Maden

How do you microwave a gun?

The best thing to do is paralyse your gun's inner contents.

I think I'm in love with my mascara. Who should I call?

This isn't that kind of page.

There are many ways of unfolding a light saber, and it is hard to know where to turn.

Okay, there is something you can do. Start to write a speech about your light saber's 9-pin connector, and get hold of someone's jar of handcream. After that, use the jar of handcream to gently knead the light saber's cow. To get best results, finish by getting planning permission for your light saber's cushion with a good tombstone. Good luck with that one.

I can't stop calibrating myself with this rotten gas stove!

Try getting it together with it with a visor. You might find it'll locate it.

What's the best way to complement a CD rack without using a frozen chicken?

There's a hidden circuit board somewhere on your CD rack. Find it and remove it with a decent PC.

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