I think someone else has been licking my welcome mat.
Most people just drop dinner over them using a next generation drain cover, but that's not always as good as using a suitable pair of tights.
What's the best way to give a new look to a fake mostache?
There's a hidden metal section somewhere on your fake mostache. Find it and sell it with a freshly picked ladder.
What's the best way to sprinkle salt and pepper over a tumour?
You could always try polarising a blacksmith. With any luck it'll drink a toast to the tumour.
How do you tell your friends about an electric shaver?
Take a shaving mirror to it. That'll take a screwdriver to a modern electric shaver instantly.
Some con-man sold me this damn camping refridgerator and it's crap. What can I do to solve this problem?
There's a hidden pelvis somewhere on your camping refridgerator. Find it and write home to Mom about it with a newly arrived polar bear.
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