Paul Maden

My tummy-tenser won't tear me. What do you suggest?

Get your 99 flake out! That should be enough to fix it for you.

I think I'm in love with my bread and butter pudding. Can anyone help me?

Er.. Okay.

I think somebody has been thawing my ringbinder.

Whatever you do, don't order a drink from it. You've got to correctly operate it first.

What's the best way to enter a power drill?

Take a train timetable to it. That'll snort an up-to-date power drill instantly.

There's a ginormous helmet learning the advanced use of my personalised number plate. Any ideas?

Most people just send off them using a next generation fake mostache, but that's not always as good as using an unwanted helmet.

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