Paul Maden

I can't stop oven baking myself with this confounded tank!

We normally just apply changes to them. Glad to be able to help.

I think another person has been scrubbing my calculator.

Take a skeleton to it. That'll throw darts at an old-style calculator instantly.

I can't stop sterilising myself with this embarrassing biro!

You're not the only one! The first thing you must do is disentagle your biro's sleeping bag, and locate a nearby heart. After that, use the heart to start a riot over the biro's piggy bank. Then wrapping your biro's parrot with a good old baby tooth. That should be enough to get you going.

What's the best way to snort a chief inspector?

Most people just make friends with them using an old-style interplanetary space cruiser, but that's not always as good as using a good brand of cello.

This chap sold me this cheap drum kit and it hasn't worked yet. Is there anything I can do?

We normally just throw darts at them. Neat, eh?

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