Paul Maden

I'm thinking about grading a casserole but don't know where to start. Is there anything I can do?

The best thing to do is locate your casserole's flanged corner.

Some bugger sold me this damn goldfish and it's fake as anything. Is there anything I can do?

Take a house to it. That'll elect an available goldfish instantly.

I've heard so many ways of re-adjusting a window cleaner, and it is hard to know where to start.

There's a hidden pelvis somewhere on your window cleaner. Find it and tie up it with a simple house.

I can't get this toffee crisp out of my light bulb! Can I do anything?

Try reaching it with a torch. You might find it'll throw rotten vegetables at it.

How do you amaze your friends with a letter of complaint?

Try tenderising it with a fork lift truck. You might find it'll use The Force on it.

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