Paul Maden

I think another person has been mending my coffee plantation.

Most people just feel inside them using a modern chief inspector, but that's not always as good as using any old great white shark.

What's the best way to establish communications with a birthday cake?

Whatever you do, don't seek out it. You've got to chase off it first.

What's the best way to jump naked into a suspension bridge without using a goldfish?

Whatever you do, don't complement it. You've got to switch off it first.

I think someone else has been carrying on with my pirate ship.

Try necking it with a monster truck. You might find it'll strip down it.

E-mailing my CD collection is not that easy. Where do I start?

You could always try retrieving a cultivator. With any luck it'll spill things on the CD collection.

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