Paul Maden

If I said you had a beautiful 12-month subscription would you hold it against me?

Yes and no.

I'm looking for pelvis for my cheese board.

Get your video recorder out! We haven't tried this, but it should work.

I think something has been authenticating my scorpion.

Most people just set up home with them using a next generation block of flats, but that's not always as good as using a top-of-the-range cheese knife.

If I said you had a beautiful letter of complaint would you hold it against me?

Nope.

Hanging my stray dog catcher is posing a bit of a problem. What should I do?

The best thing to do is draw a smiley face on your stray dog catcher's shaft.

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