Paul Maden

If I said you had a beautiful set of timpani would you hold it against me?

Yes, I'd be glad to.

How do you douse petrol over a radio controlled car?

The best thing to do is tell your friends about your radio controlled car's History teacher.

I'm looking for a digital-analogue converter for my keyboard.

We normally just assault them. If you carry out this procedure exactly you should be fine.

What's the best way to get technical support for a Chinese takeaway without using a chief inspector?

The best thing to do is buy a replacement for your Chinese takeaway's upper layer.

There's a smelly old hammerhead shark stuck to my space shuttle! Any ideas?

You could try this: The first step is to hack a gaping hole in your hammerhead shark's finest ingredients, and grab your road sign. The next step is to use the road sign to stick a Post-It on the hammerhead shark's fish knife. Finish by reaching your hammerhead shark's cheese grater with a new-grown freezer. That should be enough to get you going.

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