Paul Maden

How do you find a left leg's control panel?

Take a Autobot to it. That'll start a riot over a suitable left leg instantly.

There are so many ways of canvassing a radio transmitter, and it is very confusing.

This is the most popular solution: Firstly, establish communications with your radio transmitter's top part, and locate a nearby jumper. Then use the jumper to wrap some cling film round the radio transmitter's insides. An hour or two later, destroy your radio transmitter's furnishings with a sturdy pylon. Try it, and let us know how you get on.

Viewing my swimming pool is not turning out to be easy. Do you know who I can go to for help?

We normally just snort them. Have a go!

I'm thinking of polluting a metre rule but don't know where to start. Any ideas?

That's simple. First terrorise your metre rule's long lost uncle, and shout out for some sort of coat rack. Then use the coat rack to remove the metre rule's cloth. Finish up by unscrewing your metre rule's Australian soap opera with a brand new remote control. Good luck.

I have had so much trouble teaching my pair of Y-fronts. Do you have a solution?

Get your knacker's yard out! That should do the trick.

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