Paul Maden

What's the best way to make a small incision in a pottery wheel?

Try marinading it with a radio controlled car. You might find it'll dig away at it.

There are so many ways of oven baking an acceptance form, and I can't decide the best.

Most people just stick posters up on them using a modern inflatable hammer, but that's not always as good as using a classic rhythm & blues band.

What's the best way to fall drunkenly into a lawnmower without using a Millenium Dome?

Get your water feature out!

Learning the basic use of my ream of paper is not at all pleasant. Please help me!

We normally just get the boyz to pay a little visit to them. That should put an end to your difficulties.

I can't stop using myself with this awful hair dryer!

There is something you can try. Firstly, knit a jumper for your hair dryer's cheeky smile, and find a suitable scorpion. The next step is to use the scorpion to pour coffee into the hair dryer's soft parts. At a later date, drink a toast to your hair dryer's baseball bat with a respectable cheese knife. Try that before you try anything else.

Badvice On Demand…

You want more? No problem. Click the button below for extra Badvice.