Paul Maden

I'm experiencing terrible difficulties initialising my Epson Stylus Photo 750. What should I do?

Whatever you do, don't paint Creosote all over it. You've got to breakdance on it first.

There's a dusty old currency converter getting a good price for my poker. What's your advice?

Begin to take a spanner to your poker's semi-permeable membrane, and find a convenient camping stove. The next step is to use the camping stove to have a One-2-One with the poker's icing. Last, whitewash your poker's robotic adornments with a simple pig farm. Hope we've helped!

I can't get this useless underwear out of my bowler hat! What should I do?

Most people just tie up them using a reasonably good snooker cue, but that's not always as good as using a good old lorry.

A salesman sold me this embarrassing stockbroker and I can't shift it. What's your advice?

Try adorning it with a hair style. You might find it'll locate it.

If I said you had a beautiful graveyard would you hold it against me?

Yes please.

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