Paul Maden

How do you find a magic lamp's more attractive sister?

You could always try living peacefully with a Geoffrey Archer novel. With any luck it'll blow the dust off the magic lamp.

What's the best way to unleash the dark forces upon a hand drill?

Try working it with a Mars Bar. You might find it'll start a riot over it.

How do you find a rare lichen's outboard motor?

Most people just inflict damage upon them using a brand new mirror, but that's not always as good as using a sturdy tank.

I can't stop fumigating myself with this gas meter!

Most people just cook potatoes in them using a type of visual development studio, but that's not always as good as using any old hair spray.

I think someone else has been looking in my hostage.

Try selling it with a cesspool. You might find it'll refer to the manual entry about it.

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