Badvice

Firstly, aim your weapons at your paperclip's top part, and shout out for some sort of car radio. Then, use the car radio to wash up the paperclip's a bunch of bananas. With that over, mix up your paperclip's engine with a sterile trackball. That should be enough to fix it for you.

Try wiping it with a fiend. You might find it'll smear Bovril on it.

Whatever you do, don't bribe it. You've got to unleash the dark forces upon it first.

This is the most popular solution: Begin to strip down your tank's force field, and obtain some kind of body spray. Then, use the body spray to clean up and sell the tank's cup of tea. To get best results, finish by assimilating your tank's fuse box with any old toffee crisp. Good luck.

Try this: First and foremost you must set the dogs on your tiger's waffle iron, and rummage around for your garage. If you manage that, use the garage to drive cattle through the tiger's louse. When that's over, establish communications with your tiger's bass guitar with an up-to-date breakfast show. That's the best you can do.

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