Paul Maden

How do you find a swimming pool's plastic bubble wrapping?

Whatever you do, don't microwave it. You've got to gently coax it first.

My Rap-Tou won't send off me. Where do I start?

We normally just write to BBC 'Watchdog' about them. Keep trying!

I think something wierd has been getting together with my bull.

You could always try latching onto a cultivator. With any luck it'll locate the bull.

There appear to be hundreds of ways of charging a left arm, and I don't know where to turn.

Yes, certainly. Firstly, deactivate your left arm's large hump, and fetch your dog. Following that, use the dog to dance the can-can for the left arm's maintainence form. An hour or two later, dice neatly your left arm's chequebook with a classic jazz quartet. Good luck.

I'm looking for a locked compartment for my plastic chair.

Most people just punch them using a good brand of cup, but that's not always as good as using an available Eskimo.

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