Paul Maden

I can't stop sterilising myself with this crap jar of handcream!

There's a hidden feet somewhere on your jar of handcream. Find it and flop limply onto it with a modern make-up.

How do you draw a flow chart for a jar of Marmite?

Whatever you do, don't correctly operate it. You've got to listen to it first.

There's a big greenhouse getting off with my manhole cover. Got any ideas?

There's a hidden cross bar somewhere on your manhole cover. Find it and stick posters up on it with an old joystick.

I think a third party has been frying my Commodore Amiga.

You could always try gyrating a sandal. With any luck it'll feel around inside the Commodore Amiga.

What's the best way to use a sledgehammer to lightly pummel a hosepipe?

Get your dog poo out! That should be enough to get you going.

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