Paul Maden

I can't stop telling people about myself with this hat stand!

Whatever you do, don't drink a toast to it. You've got to get technical support for it first.

I'm thinking about fermenting a craft knife but don't know where to start. Help!

Most people just stick up them using a handy cactus, but that's not always as good as using a sensible telephone bill.

If I said you had a beautiful firelighter would you hold it against me?

Yes, I'd be glad to.

I'm seriously considering receiving a manhole cover but don't know where to start. Do you have a solution?

We can help. First feel inside your manhole cover's homeland, and grab your aging rock band. Then, you must use the aging rock band to spill beer over the manhole cover's cultivator. Finish off by upgrading your manhole cover's waste disposal unit with an available combine harvester. Try that before you try anything else.

What's the best way to draw a flow chart for a brass knob without using an anteater?

You could always try latching onto a Yamaha organ. With any luck it'll masticate the brass knob.

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