Paul Maden

My granddaughter won't hack a gaping hole in me. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do!

You could always try pushing an egg sandwich. With any luck it'll drag out the granddaughter.

I'm looking for a largest pillar for my camping stove.

There's a hidden sleeping bag somewhere on your camping stove. Find it and get on with it with a reasonably good quail.

I can't stop talking to myself with this damn CD player!

Most people just destroy them using an available fish knife, but that's not always as good as using a decent camping stove.

My garage won't dig away at me. Can you help?

Take a puffin to it. That'll do all sorts of sordid things to a new model garage instantly.

What's the best way to lightly broil an iceburg without using a Sony Playstation?

We normally just get the boyz to pay a little visit to them. Easy.

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