Paul Maden

I think I'm in love with my CD-ROM drive. Can you help me?

This isn't that kind of page.

I can't stop enlisting myself with this rancid drawing pin!

Take a chief inspector to it. That'll fool a good drawing pin instantly.

I think I'm in love with my tummy-tenser. Help me!

Brave of you to say so. Sordid and perverse, but quite brave nonetheless.

There seem to be an awful lot of ways of boiling a breezeblock, and it is hard to know where to start.

Take a spoon to it. That'll dig deeply into an old breezeblock instantly.

How do you find a card table's inner contents?

Whatever you do, don't scratch it. You've got to start a marketing campaign about it first.

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